Makin a game on my own is hard, cos all the decisions come down to me. So FOR NOW, LET'S JUST IMAGINE we're this massive games development company, and we are in a meeting.

Right, so the game's comin along SLOWLY. In most games, I have a point about 3/4 of the way through that's a bit different from the rest o the game. Like the plane level in CannonCrotch. Otherwise, everyone's just gonna get bored.

With this game though, I'm KIND OF UNSURE.
It usually looks like this.
Or this.
but IN THIS SPECIAL LEVEL, I thought it could look something like this. Where you can steer a bit left n right, smash into other cars, run people over, and use the minigun, obviously. The car would be acceleratin constantly down the highway.

But is it too DIFFERENT from the rest of the game?
Would players be sayin THAT HIGHWAY LEVEL WAS FUCKIN RAD
or would they be sayin WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT HIGHWAY LEVEL?? Y'know like confused and annoyed.

I don't know wether this is an awesome idea for a level, or if it's too complex and just doesn't fit into the game. Do I want to go from beat-em-up to shooter like that, THEN BACK AGAIN?

SO WHAT DO YOU FOOLS THINK I SHOULD DO?

its cannon runner 2. reffer to my game Cannon Runner to know what Im talkin aboot
remember how in cannon runner, I had a load of text on the levels to tell the player how to do shit? Well I do that again, only its not me, its a fictional flash game author who seems to be a dumbass, but quite an allright fellow

so you do the levels n get a score at the end of each one. then you get to the last level n this fictional game dev guy is goin on about like credits n all that shit, but then when you get your score at the end of the last level, theres still a link for the next level =O

when you start this level, all the arts a bit better n the colours are different n shit and the text on the level says its made by a GUY WITH A DIFFERENT NAME (me, probably) CAUSING MINOR CONFUSION

AS THE LEVEL PROGRESSES, YOU REALISE THAT THIS VERSION IS THE ORIGINAL GAME AND THE PREVIOUS LEVELS WERE MADE BY SOME DICK WHAT STOLE THE .FLA

THE TWO AUTHORS GET INTO INCREASINGLY HEATED DEBATES WITHIN THE CONTEXT OF THE LEVEL WRITING AND START TRYING TO OUTDO EACH OTHER IN TERMS OF GAME DESIGN TO PROVE WHO IS THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR AND WHO GETS THE SPONSORSHIP MONEY, WHILE THE PLAYER IS TRYING TO ENJOY A SIMPLE PLATFORM PUZZLE GAME

THE ENDING IS i dont know, one of them wins

I AM WRITING THIS DOWN FOR FUTURE REFERENCE

NOTHIN GOIN ON WIT ME :D

Right, so after CannonCrotch got front page for a week, zero awards (???), and about £400 and rising (I BOUGHT A HDTV, IT SHITTED UP MY FREEVIEW) it's time to move on. I'll probably make a sequel to that one eventually, but for now lets do something else. And what do I like to do that's not shooting people? Punching people. I play alot more Streets Of Rage than I do Metal Slug. If you look through my news posts, you'll see that I wanted to make a Beat-em-up last year, but didn't have the determination, creativity or programming skills to do it. SO:

CONTROLS:
ARROW KEYS TO MOVE
A TO PUNCH
S TO CHOMP

LINK!!

WHAT'S THAT?? S TO CHOMP? YES. See, everything onscreen that's not background art is edible; and if you can't eat it, you can hit fools with it. Beating enemies to get their abilities is a common theme in games (Kirby, Megaman etc) and so is beating the shit out of people on a psuedo-3D plane (Streets of Rage, Final Fight etc) but as far as I know, they've never really been directly connected. It might be because people want hard, gritty, balls-to-the-wall realism when they're bustin on fools, and there's nothin realistic about breathing fire. I guess.

Although I'm KIND OF postin this to show off, I also want some feedback. And not technical games developer feedback, I mean graphical interface feedback. I don't know how far you got into CannonCrotch to notice this, but I am NOT a very creative person. If you've got any suggestions on things to eat, weapons, enemies, bosses, levels or ANYTHING, I'd probably put it in there. I need any help I can find with that. Remember, this game's my homage to beat-em-ups, so expect things like finding cooked meat in trash cans and eating it to replenish health to be a definate Yes.

I haven't decided what I'll call this yet. Maybe Chomp Something or- Jaws of... Justice.
I'll have to think of something less shit.

I THINK that's all I've got to say about that. Oh, except I'm adding more enemies right now. CannonCrotch had about 3 different enemy types, which I could get away with in a shooter, but in a beat-em-up I'll need at least twice that. Also, three things I learned from that game: DO NOT HAVE ANY GLITCHES IN THE FINAL VERSION WHAT-SO-EVER, nobody liked the low resolution cut scenes but me and DO NOT HAVE ANY GLITCHES IN THE FINAL VERSION WHAT-SO-EVER.

Writing this whole thing without using the phrase "eat-em-up" was harder than you can imagine.

Oh and by the way, swfcabin.com is an EXCELLENT swf upload thing.

And I just made an entry into NG MetalGear Solid collab. It's PRETTY SLICK.
Also Metal Gear Solid is cool.

CannonCrotch did well. Full o glitches, but I can't be really that bothered to fix them right now. I mean what difference is it gonna make at this point? Everyone's allready played it. Also, I try and edit it and I get that I HOPE YOURE NOT EDITIN THIS SWF, COS ILL TAKE AWAY ALL YOUR SHIT message. I don't know WHAT the ad thing's like. How much do I get per hit, people keep askin me. I DON'T KNOW. LET'S FIND OUT. I'M PIONEERING IT.

SO WHATEVER. ENOUGH ABOUT THAT.
Since then, I started a different game, this one:
http://www.swfcabin.com/open/120779246 9
Play level 1 first.
Pretty funky. Innovative n all that shite. REALLY easy to make, I made those 10 levels in about a week. Took me like 3 month to make CannonCrotch (and that was broke as fuck).

BUT- A couple days ago, I got asked to do a collab with two girls on the same night! What did I do- Run between the two restaurants, hoping the other girl doesn't notice and get myself in all kinds of hillarious situations? No. I turned one of em down =(
Well, I had the idea to do a funky awesome game with one guy and get half the money I usually get, or do a game that I really can't imagine where it's going and maybe get more money than I usually get.
I did the second one. It's with some big guys. Big enough to merit that I'm not allowed to say who they are.
But OH MY CHRIST- THERE'S SO MANY COCKS AND WANGS AND DONGS, SCHLONGS COCKS AND PENISES WHAT THE HELL HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO AURRRRGGHHH

So again, here's the game I won't finish any time soon, although it's pretty cool:
http://www.swfcabin.com/open/120779246 9

CANNONCROTCH is finished. I could release it right now if I wanted to, but I won't- Cos I know from expirience that when I say a game of mine's finished, it dunt mean fuck all.

So I'm looking for beta testers- Anyone who's interested in the game, say so here and I'll PM you the link.
Don't expect to get a PM if you've bin here a week and have an infamous reputation for stealing games.

___UPDATE___
Things that were wrong:
The first boss was too fast
You respawned under the screen on the first boss
First boss is too big
Invincible nazi at the top o the stairs
You can aim your crotch upwards
You can stand "on" the enemy and not die
There's no way to mute it
Grenades don't work on the first boss
The elevator is too slow
Probably loads of other shit wrong with the first boss

RIGHT- This beta has officially STOPPED. I got loads of feedback, and I would go on, but I'm running out of room on the credits.

lol
OK ok ok hold down the mouse button and just drag up and down really really fast.

I saw a flash competition to make a game about being a rockstar and I was like OH HERE COMES ANOTHER 5000 FLASH VERSIONS OF GUITAR HERO. So while I was thinkg about what I could do that was unique, I made this.

Oh and I've got one more level to do of CannonCrotch CAN YOU FEEL THE EXCITEMENT GRIPPING YOUR SCROT? I KNOW I CAN. HHHHRRRRRRRNNNNGGHHHHHH!!!!!

Wait- am I calling it CannonCrotch? Maybe Rocketcock would sound better. Or pistoldick...

LINK

Arrow Keys- Move about
A- Shoot
S- Jump
SPACE- Grenade

Well this is part one. It's not COMPLETELY finished, but I think it's presentable.
THUMBS UP OR THUMBS DOWN? GOOD START FOR 2000GR8 AMIRIGHT?

EDIT- Oh by the way- I just won $3500 on the big MaxGames contest! Well that's more money than I've ever had. Mint. Thanks to all you fools what voted big.

I'M REMAKING MY SPACESHIP GAME.
YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT YOU TELL IT TO MY DAMN FACE.
IT'S CURRENTLY GLITCHY AS FUCK BUT I DON'T GIVE A FUCKING MONKEYS.

BY THE WAY- MOUSE AND SPACE BAR, INCASE YOU'RE TOO MUCH OF A GODDAMN FOOL TO WORK THAT OUT YOURSELF.

http://spamtheweb.com/ul/upload/091107 /52671_FUCKIN_UNIFINISHED_QUEST.php

Want to help me improve on the style of this? Tell me if there's any effects I should add. How should I change the Heads Up Display? Is there a better way I could do the GO symbol? How can I make it more FUCKIN AWESOME? Stuff like that I want to look alot smoother and cleaner and clearer, but keep the AWESOME style.