okey doke- Why do I have so many games on my PC not doing anything?
Well the first one is Co-Operation, AVAILABLE NOW!
It's that 8bit platformer where you play as two guys. I've bin preppin it for the MaxGames Contest, but it took so long to sort shit out with the ads AND sponsorship thing. I was seein an advert where he was seein a tank, but I couldn't see what he was seein, it were a right cock up.

Anyway, second game is Rebound. Took me a week to make, also for the MaxGames Contest. I'll spoil the surprise for you: It's basically Arkanoid with crazy shit in it. You can check it out if you've got an account on Flashgamelicense.com. It's pretty shit, but hey- A n****r gotta eat.

So thirdly, the long-awaited Crunchdown. I left it on FGL (It's like ebay for Flash games) for like a damn month. I wouldn't accept anything less than 4000. Turns out that with the 10mb filesize, all the swearing, implicit racism and prostitution; There weren't many buyers. Someone came along in the end though to recognise my true greatness. Some Flash site nobody's ever heard of, Ground- Games or something? I don't know. Seems like a bunch of total ametuers.

So that might be it for 2008. Those are my 3 games you'll see (on the front page) over the next few days. I've started my next 3-month-project. First was Cannoncrotch, then Crunchdown, now this beast of a game. Yeah they might not make me as much money as 8bit platformers and Arkanoid clones, but Goddammit. Someone's gotta make the good ones.
You can keep track of how it's comin along at FlashGameLicense.com. I was THINKING of starting a dev blog on my Newgrounds user thing, but I don't know. You guys can be dicks sometimes.

VOTE FIVE ON MY STUFF I'VE GOT NO FUCKING MONEY LEFT.

I just came up with the greatest way to shoot in a Flash game ever. I'm pretty sure I'm not the first guy to come up with this.

What I've bin doin so far is; I've bin makin the game produce a bullet whenever you click that flies across the screen. Like in CannonCrotch, you see a bullet, you see it moving, and you see it hit an enemy or wall.
Contra does this, Metal Slug, Alien Hominid, tonnes o games.
In reality, bullets aren't that slow. Bullets are fuckin quick.

So what I've done is, I've pre-determined every position the bullet would ever be in, then produced a hundred bullets that each occupy one of those positions. FUCKIN TIMEWARP.

Observe:
http://spamtheweb.com/ul/upload/060908 /7441_YeahBabyGoYeah_Allright.php

Click to shoot. Use WASD to move around.

Here's the chode:
onClipEvent (mouseDown) {
hit = false;
for (i=1; i<=30; i++) {
if (!hit) {
duplicateMovieClip(_root.shot, "shot"+i, i);
xshot = (i*20)*(Math.cos(R*(Math.PI/180)));
yshot = (i*20)*(Math.sin(R*(Math.PI/180)));
_root["shot"+i]._x = _x+xshot;
_root["shot"+i]._y = _y-40+yshot;
if (_root.ground.hitTest(_root["shot"+i].
_x, _root["shot"+i]._y, true)) {
hit = true;
_root["shot"+i].removeMovieClip()
}
}
}
}

Ok so firstly Crunchdown, the beat-em-up I was makin. I Finished it a couple weeks ago, it's done. Why is it not on Newgrounds? Cos it's on Flashgamelicense.com: The broker site for Flash games. If you make games an you've never heard of it, fuckin check it out. You put your game up, an a whole bunch o rich guys come by and bid on it. I'm at $1100 right now, but they tell you to wait it out for like- a fuckin month or somethin.

SO WHAT'S THIS NEW GAME?Well, remember way back when (October 2007? Holy shit) when I posted this game? Then remember when I tried to do it again but never got anywhere? Yeah, now I'm doing it a THIRD time. Shit.

Well this is the last time, because I'm throwin it up on the annual MaxGames Contest. I'm thinkin since I won $3500 on the last one, I could do pretty well this time. It's just such a shame that this game's bin sittin on my C drive for a damn year and nobody ever got to play it. It couldn't release it because I just hated the way it looked, it wasn't nearly fun enough, and it's kind of a one-trick game. I knew it could be way better, but I didn't have a clue how to improve it. So I could never release it in a kind-of-cool-but-not-really state. I still don't like it, and I don't think it's very fun, but holy shit THE TOP PRIZE IS TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS AND THERE'S BONUSES. I couldn't give a shit how fun it is, if I've got a completed game on my hands and these guys are givin away crazy money, I'm sellin the fuck out.

So, I did what I could, I revamped it, dressed it up as nice as possible. Like most o my games, it's 90% done and FULL of glitches.

So yo test this shit.

Known issues
I'm havin some framerate issues (ironically)
One of the songs skips a bit at the start. That's my fault.
Is the font right? I don't think I can embed font correctly.

THE GAME IVE BIN WORKIN ON FOR ABOUT 4 MONTHS. ITS A MASTERPIECE. ITS REVOLUTIONARY ITS GIGANTIC. I JUST OPENED IT THIS MORNIN AND IT'S 20KB AND THERES NOTHING IN IT.

WHAT.

WHAAA??

SOMEBODY HELP ME AAAARRRRRGGHHH.
I STILL HAVE THE .SWF

I'M GONNA BE SICK.

UPDATE- I'VE GOT PRETTY MUCH MOST OF IT BACK- ALL OF IT I THINK I'M GONNA GET. ALOT OF IT'S A MESS, BUT COMBINING WHAT I HAVE HERE WITH THE ASSETS FROM THE OLD BACKUP I COULD PROBABLY RESTORE MOST OF IT IN ABOUT A WEEK, FINGERS CROSSED. IN SHORT, THE DAY IS AS SAVED AS IT'S GOING TO GET. HALLELUJAH

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO KNEW WHAT THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT, THATNKS TO THE-EXP WHO DECOMPILED THE .SWF, THANKS TO SASUKE WHO ALSO DECOMPILED IT AT THE SAME TIME, THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO KNOWS WHAT GAME I'M ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT AND NO THANKS TO THE GUYS WHO GAVE PRETTY SHIT REPLIES. LOOK FORWARD TO THE GAME COMIN OUT WITHIN THE MONTH, IT'S A DOOZY.

UPDATE- FUCK A WEEK, I'VE GOT IT SHIP SHAPE RIGHT NOW. LETS SEE HOW LONG ITLL TAKE ME TO COMPILE A SOUNDTRACK (FROM HERE, OBVIOUSLY) N SORT OUT SOME ART.

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/
448824

FUCK IT, ILL BE A PLUMBER OR SOMETHING, I JUST DONT GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE

Makin a game on my own is hard, cos all the decisions come down to me. So FOR NOW, LET'S JUST IMAGINE we're this massive games development company, and we are in a meeting.

Right, so the game's comin along SLOWLY. In most games, I have a point about 3/4 of the way through that's a bit different from the rest o the game. Like the plane level in CannonCrotch. Otherwise, everyone's just gonna get bored.

With this game though, I'm KIND OF UNSURE.
It usually looks like this.
Or this.
but IN THIS SPECIAL LEVEL, I thought it could look something like this. Where you can steer a bit left n right, smash into other cars, run people over, and use the minigun, obviously. The car would be acceleratin constantly down the highway.

But is it too DIFFERENT from the rest of the game?
Would players be sayin THAT HIGHWAY LEVEL WAS FUCKIN RAD
or would they be sayin WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT HIGHWAY LEVEL?? Y'know like confused and annoyed.

I don't know wether this is an awesome idea for a level, or if it's too complex and just doesn't fit into the game. Do I want to go from beat-em-up to shooter like that, THEN BACK AGAIN?

SO WHAT DO YOU FOOLS THINK I SHOULD DO?

its cannon runner 2. reffer to my game Cannon Runner to know what Im talkin aboot
remember how in cannon runner, I had a load of text on the levels to tell the player how to do shit? Well I do that again, only its not me, its a fictional flash game author who seems to be a dumbass, but quite an allright fellow

so you do the levels n get a score at the end of each one. then you get to the last level n this fictional game dev guy is goin on about like credits n all that shit, but then when you get your score at the end of the last level, theres still a link for the next level =O

when you start this level, all the arts a bit better n the colours are different n shit and the text on the level says its made by a GUY WITH A DIFFERENT NAME (me, probably) CAUSING MINOR CONFUSION

AS THE LEVEL PROGRESSES, YOU REALISE THAT THIS VERSION IS THE ORIGINAL GAME AND THE PREVIOUS LEVELS WERE MADE BY SOME DICK WHAT STOLE THE .FLA

THE TWO AUTHORS GET INTO INCREASINGLY HEATED DEBATES WITHIN THE CONTEXT OF THE LEVEL WRITING AND START TRYING TO OUTDO EACH OTHER IN TERMS OF GAME DESIGN TO PROVE WHO IS THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR AND WHO GETS THE SPONSORSHIP MONEY, WHILE THE PLAYER IS TRYING TO ENJOY A SIMPLE PLATFORM PUZZLE GAME

THE ENDING IS i dont know, one of them wins

I AM WRITING THIS DOWN FOR FUTURE REFERENCE

NOTHIN GOIN ON WIT ME :D

Right, so after CannonCrotch got front page for a week, zero awards (???), and about £400 and rising (I BOUGHT A HDTV, IT SHITTED UP MY FREEVIEW) it's time to move on. I'll probably make a sequel to that one eventually, but for now lets do something else. And what do I like to do that's not shooting people? Punching people. I play alot more Streets Of Rage than I do Metal Slug. If you look through my news posts, you'll see that I wanted to make a Beat-em-up last year, but didn't have the determination, creativity or programming skills to do it. SO:

CONTROLS:
ARROW KEYS TO MOVE
A TO PUNCH
S TO CHOMP

LINK!!

WHAT'S THAT?? S TO CHOMP? YES. See, everything onscreen that's not background art is edible; and if you can't eat it, you can hit fools with it. Beating enemies to get their abilities is a common theme in games (Kirby, Megaman etc) and so is beating the shit out of people on a psuedo-3D plane (Streets of Rage, Final Fight etc) but as far as I know, they've never really been directly connected. It might be because people want hard, gritty, balls-to-the-wall realism when they're bustin on fools, and there's nothin realistic about breathing fire. I guess.

Although I'm KIND OF postin this to show off, I also want some feedback. And not technical games developer feedback, I mean graphical interface feedback. I don't know how far you got into CannonCrotch to notice this, but I am NOT a very creative person. If you've got any suggestions on things to eat, weapons, enemies, bosses, levels or ANYTHING, I'd probably put it in there. I need any help I can find with that. Remember, this game's my homage to beat-em-ups, so expect things like finding cooked meat in trash cans and eating it to replenish health to be a definate Yes.

I haven't decided what I'll call this yet. Maybe Chomp Something or- Jaws of... Justice.
I'll have to think of something less shit.

I THINK that's all I've got to say about that. Oh, except I'm adding more enemies right now. CannonCrotch had about 3 different enemy types, which I could get away with in a shooter, but in a beat-em-up I'll need at least twice that. Also, three things I learned from that game: DO NOT HAVE ANY GLITCHES IN THE FINAL VERSION WHAT-SO-EVER, nobody liked the low resolution cut scenes but me and DO NOT HAVE ANY GLITCHES IN THE FINAL VERSION WHAT-SO-EVER.

Writing this whole thing without using the phrase "eat-em-up" was harder than you can imagine.

Oh and by the way, swfcabin.com is an EXCELLENT swf upload thing.

And I just made an entry into NG MetalGear Solid collab. It's PRETTY SLICK.
Also Metal Gear Solid is cool.

CannonCrotch did well. Full o glitches, but I can't be really that bothered to fix them right now. I mean what difference is it gonna make at this point? Everyone's allready played it. Also, I try and edit it and I get that I HOPE YOURE NOT EDITIN THIS SWF, COS ILL TAKE AWAY ALL YOUR SHIT message. I don't know WHAT the ad thing's like. How much do I get per hit, people keep askin me. I DON'T KNOW. LET'S FIND OUT. I'M PIONEERING IT.

SO WHATEVER. ENOUGH ABOUT THAT.
Since then, I started a different game, this one:
http://www.swfcabin.com/open/120779246 9
Play level 1 first.
Pretty funky. Innovative n all that shite. REALLY easy to make, I made those 10 levels in about a week. Took me like 3 month to make CannonCrotch (and that was broke as fuck).

BUT- A couple days ago, I got asked to do a collab with two girls on the same night! What did I do- Run between the two restaurants, hoping the other girl doesn't notice and get myself in all kinds of hillarious situations? No. I turned one of em down =(
Well, I had the idea to do a funky awesome game with one guy and get half the money I usually get, or do a game that I really can't imagine where it's going and maybe get more money than I usually get.
I did the second one. It's with some big guys. Big enough to merit that I'm not allowed to say who they are.
But OH MY CHRIST- THERE'S SO MANY COCKS AND WANGS AND DONGS, SCHLONGS COCKS AND PENISES WHAT THE HELL HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO AURRRRGGHHH

So again, here's the game I won't finish any time soon, although it's pretty cool:
http://www.swfcabin.com/open/120779246 9