Yo yo yo let's cut to the chase

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I'm not 100% done with it- I want to add in a scene, and I've not shown any animal animation, and the game footage is awful. It's impossible to get good game footage, cos you can't run the recorder and the game at the same time AND have a good framerate AND capture it at a good framerate. So it allways cuts out all the good frames.

Anyway my college had an exhibition yesterday to show everythin we've done over the passed year. I showed a big fat board of images, this showreel, and left Robot Dinosaurs runnin on a Mac. Long story short it was a big fucking shambles. A guy with a camera was talking to me for ages though about games, how I make games, how old games are better than new ones (whatever), and had a lot to say about Micro Machines on the Sega MegaDrive. He asked for a buiness card, I didn't have one, he wrote down my website and e-mail and said he'd pass it on to someone on the Project Gotham Racing team.
I checked and PGR is made by Bizarre Creations, who also made Geometry Wars. So THAT'S why he had so much to say about old games. Turns out they're in Liverpool and are looking for a character animator. I applied and mentioned that guy.

Also a couple mates wanna make Robot Dinosaurs with me on XNA. I don't think they'll ever get it off the ground, but I'll update with a 3D Tyranosaurus X later.

Also PLAY THIS GAME IT'S FUCKING BRILLIANT

Power of who?

wanna see some 3D stuff? okay

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wanna see an alpha version of an excitebike clone? sure
A is drive
S is DRIVE!!
Arrow keys- you know the rest

I made a tile-based level editor to that game you all forgot about but I guess thats pretty dull

POWER OF 3- oh shit I guess I better get started on that pretty soon..

...

wanna see a screenshot to yeahbabygo- I mean- Legend of JOHNNY? course you fuckin do
" ...the best games that I have playes... " -FlashGameLicense.com

thats it from me, bye.

well munch my fucking bunch cos Im allready taken.

I got a PM from lenko n said yes. that means Im the lady n he's the man, so that's programming and art respectively. we came up with the game idea in a conversation that went a bit like this:

dyou like X?

yeah X is cool, we should do this with X.

ok sounds good, lets go

so dont expect a masterpiece, but I tell you now: it'll be funny and cool, and wow, and cool, and fab. Infact do expect a masterpiece. I know it's not a contest but fuck you guys, it's on.
Who are the teams? luis, glaiel-gamer and j1mp? thats no team
egoraptor, afro-ninja and kelwynshade? ppffffffff
HappyHarry and Mike? who are these guys? Ive never heard of them they sound like chumps.

Anyway we haven't decided on a music guy yet. theres a load of people who'll do it, but how are you supposed to pick one guy? how did you lot pick your guys? me n lenko have just about never spoken, so I like this power of 3 idea allready.

his first good submission was Rocket Crotch, my first good submission was Cannon Crotch.
expect something british in about 3 months time.
thanks for the wacom, ed!

Last time I posted I mentioned that Robot Dinosaurs got featured on JayisGames and ByteJacker, but the very day after that I realised it's also on Geekologie, The Escapist and Destructoid. BEST OF ALL, some FABULOUS MAN actually painted Dinomite, which amazes me. I asked to buy it, but he gave it to his daughter and it's her favourite one. Yeah that's right, out of all of them.

Oh and it got monthly best here, which leads me to mention that I got TWO NEWGROUNDS SHIRTS. When I was making Crunchdown I thought I'd aim for a shirt. I won that month, but they weren't giving them out, and I'm not buyin one cos of the delivery cost and time and I don't have a Visa urrrrrr. Now I've got two: The NG Explosion one and the Dad n Me one. The UK one is a good idea, but I'd feel doofy wearing just the logo, I'd look like an employee.
I'm just now noticing the Tankmen Tank Chase one. Shit, I should've got that. I'll wait til next time I win stuff.

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE- I won Ed McMillen's (THE EDMUND MCMILLEN??) old Wacom. I was gonna buy one ages ago, but didn't cos I just had this feeling that I was gonna get one somehow. LO AND BEHOLD, HERE WE ARE. And for making doofy naked art, that's just perfect. How else could I have won an art contest?

Best news of all: I DO NOT WEAR GLASSES ANY MORE. Stop- Did anyone here even know that I wore glasses? If not, good. Because even now in this quick mention, someone's opinion of me has changed. Because that's what they do; they make you look like a twat for the rest of your life. Not anymore though, contacts, I am ecstatic. Right now, at 00:40am on the 12th of April, I am finally a good-looking, posotive guy with genuine talents and a fuckin tonne o money.
Social life's pretty flimsy. It's there, and it's movin. It's just a bit wank.

Did I ever mention how I went to that University interview and they basically turned around and said "There's not much we can teach you on this course, I'm sure you'll have no problem finding a job." ?
Yeah well; that happened. Character Animation course.

If you're lookin for an actual update: I'm not makin the iPhone game and I'm pickin up YeahBabyGoYeah again. Oh- Someone from an actual games development company (a small one) contacted me through my site last week offering me a job because he knew I could fix something in some game. He was tellin me about this job position, but I wasn't really feelin it, so I just checked to see if I could help the guy right there in the MSN conversation. Turns out I could, so I fixed their problem and he thanked me and left. Said he usually pays people by the hour, but I'd done my job in like 20 minutes, I was all "yo no problem dawg". So that was cool.

Oh and look, I was on TIGSource for a while biggin up Newgrounds. Then THAT was on IndieGames.com for a sec. This is where all the big boy game devs hang out, but they generally think Flash games are way dumb. What a bunch of dicks.

Speaking of a bunch of dicks; I'll leave you with this:
http://everydayidrawadick.blogspot.com /
I won a Wacom for drawing a dick last week, but this man here is the true professor of penises- a boffin of bollocks, an expert in erections, the chairman of chodes, a connoisseur of cocks, a guru of groins, the wizard of- dicks. He is a dick wizard. Interestingly enough, made the main theme of Robot Dinosaurs, jus sayin.

THAT'S IT, BYE.

Robot Dinosaurs That Shoot Beams When They Roar: It's doing Dino-tasticly.
It was reviewed on JayIsGames.com- I can't really tell if that's a good or bad review
Also it was featured on ByteJacker.
It's also got a higher score and more reviews on NG than my other games but whatev.
I don't know how many plays it's had. I didn't integrate ads or anything. I'd GUESS around 500,000 though, based on adding up Newgrounds Armorgames Kongregate and Arcadebomb.com (it's sponsor).

What's this iPhone shit about?
Well if you follow games atall, you'll know that everyone's jumping on the iPhone. It's the download-based portable that's aimed at people who don't play games. It attracts independant developers because anyone can make commerical games on it and release them without a publisher. The basic message is that it's doing very well.
Someone told me you could make Flash games for it, but I don't think that's true.
Anyway I keep hearing about this, and 1+1=2: I thought about Making a fabtastic version of Robot Dinosaurs That Shoot Beams When They Roar for it. New graphics, 3 levels and bosses, more enemies, more powerups, unlockable dinosaurs. This would be piss easy in Flash, but why not expand myself and just try a commercial game? It definately suits the platform.

Lets do it:
I heard about a studio that was working on porting Flash games to iPhone. This is where the idea kicked off. I asked them about it and they seemed interested and asked for some details. I told them about Robot Dinosaurs That Shoot Beams When They Roar (I'm not abbreviating it) and they said this:
Hi Tom,

What kind of budget did you have in mind for this port?

Cheers,

Paul

Errr- I just remembered, I don't know what I'm talking about.

Nevermind
To release a commercial game like this, you need:
An iPhone or iPod Touch- Which I would've bought anyway.
A $99 membership- Ok that makes sense
A mac- The SDK only runs on Macs. What a kick in the arse. I've allready got a computer and I'm not buyin another one just for this. That sounds like a stupid idea. I almost did there, but no.
It's not like I'm low on money anyway.

Thanks be to Newgrounds
Compared to pretty much everything else, Flash games are fuckin easy. I don't totally care about how much money I make on games, but what the fuck have you seen this Newgrounds revenue sharing thing? I don't even have todo anything for that. I love how everything makes sense with Newgrounds. Their embedded ads thing is literally copy and paste, I tried using mochiads once an didn't have a clue what I was doing.

I got back into YeahBabyGoYeah this week
Picked it up again. Finished a boss.

I can't do contacts
I went to get some but it takes me like 10 tries to put them in and then I can't take them out :(

This text is in bold
and this text is not. Oh- Here's how it would've worked by the way:

ROBOT DINOSAURS THAT SHOOT BEAMS WHEN THEY ROAR.Took long enough didn it?

Y'know when you aven't smashed one out for ages, an then when you finally bust a nut it just keeps coming? Like fuckin loads of it, to the point where you're kind of embarrassed- but at the same time a little turned on cos it actually pretty hot? That was my inspiration for this game. I hope you have as much fun playing it as I did making it.

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I DONT GIVE A SHIT WHAT TIME IT IS ON YOUR END; FROM WHERE IM SITTING IT'S APRIL 1ST AND IM NOT STAYIN AWAKE TO WAIT FOR Y'ALL TO CATCH UP.

Ok so I've bin thinkin about this whole "new grounds" thing- Everything By Everyone n all that, and I'm not quite feelin it.

So here's the good side of Newgrounds- The side I tell my parents about when I get sponsored n shit:
It's a community of talented artists. No doubt, there's excellent games made here, excellent movies, excellent music, even voice-actors and straight-up artists. They throw money and prizes out to the crowd like nobody's business and they're popular as balls. I've got mates who only use a PC for music and Facebook; they know what Newgrounds is, and that's amazing. But I still don't like talking about Newgrounds.

I was watchin the awards video when it came out, and that's what made me start looking at it differently. I expected it to be dumb, and it was funny at first, but then I started feeling like the joke was on me. It's the conclusion to 2008, people are gettin trophies here, it's the Newgrounds awards- but it looked like just some YouTube video. I get that you had one guy and a green screen, that's fine, but "I'm gonna go look at fat anime chicks": Funny in a Youtube video, funny in some guy's blog, but I put some fuckin work into these games, an I'm proud of bein on the same page as guys like Ed McMillen, The Swain, HappyHarry n all that jive (I asn't even nominated, I'm just talkin about Newgrounds in general here). But when the guy who owns the site's up there: Without a community like this, Newgrounds would be a site full of hentai- It comes back around to just- Am I an idiot for taking any of this seriously? Y'know- Is the joke on me?

And that's one o those things that's allways in the back of my mind- Newgounds gets a fuckin lot of traffic for it's pictures of naked Dragonball Z characters. When I finish a game, and surely this happens to some o youz, people say "what site's it on?" and I have to stop n think "What's on the front page this week? Is it Portal Defenders or is it like- Meet'n'Fuck Nascar Driver? Cos I'm gonna look like a twat if everyone sees this game I've spent like a month on next to Meet'n'Fuck Nascar Driver." It just gets me down that I thought I was makin games for this hub of independant artists when now it just feels like some guys on some website.

What I'm getting at is- Professionalism. Every now n then, just put on a straight face. I like that Newgrounds'll sponsor a game where you get an achievement for punching a hooker, and I'm fine with these video game collabs they do; keep at it, by all means. But most people don't know what these awesome framed certificates look like, don't know how much money you buy these games for, Don't know about all the IGF PAX10 awards people are shootin for, don't know that you can make a Flash cartoon so good that random people will buy a professional fuckin T-Shirt of it and wear it. A FLASH CARTOON.
THERE'S your awards show. Don't remind me I make games for a site about hentai quizzes at the end of the day, tell me about the fuckin amazing successful people that come out of Newgrounds. Flash Gaming Summit, get in on that shit. Check out Glaiel- He's not just goin to presentations anymore, he's the guy fuckin givin the presentations. You've pretty much invented this billion trillion dollar web-games industry, you're the Facebook of web games, but you act like you're the Friendster. Does Kongregate have it's own vending machine? I'll leave you to think on that one.

So anyway, Robot Dinosaurs That Shoot Beams When They Roar's finished. Nobody's biddin on it though, so who knows when it's comin out.

okay EDIT- I just realised:
My name is "I-SMEL"
I posted a game full of swastikas about a guy who shoots with his dick while drunk
and I got Crunchdown sponsored by Newgrounds above everyone else cos they'd let me keep the swearing in.
What the fuck am I complaining about. I'm such a dick. Totally comin to my senses right now. Who am I to tell someone else to keep up their reputation, while I'm here: Perfectly fine games developer, wasting my talent on games about cocks, and totally loving it.
Dis-count everything I just said. Newgrounds is what everyone else is missing.

Yo, new game comin up. I made it on a whim, it took mostly about 5 days, but then I spent like an extra week on an animated intro. I made it after watching a bunch of 80s cartoon intros in a row, like Transformers, Ultra Force, Silverhawks, Tigersharks, Dinosaucers, Ninja Turtles, Thundercats, Swat Cats, Biker Mice From Mars, Street Sharks, etc. I just thought those cartoons are so stupid-kickass it'd be funny if I made a game like that. Oh and it's bin ages since I sold a game and it's time to remind my parent that I'm not a total letdown.

It's called Robot Dinosaurs That Shoot Beams When They Roar. Or y'know, RDTSBWTR for short, obviously. It's about 80% done, but the main thing I'm missing is the most important element: the roar sound effect. I would've done it myself but my house is fuckin never empty, and shit I don't feel like roaring right now. If anyone wants to help me out by recording a line like y'know:
"ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRR R!!"
or "RRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUWWWWRR RRR."
or "RUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRR!"
Then that'd be cool. If it comes out sounding like a guy saying roar, then good, it'll be funny. This is how they shoot beams though so y'know, consider that. Mp3 to Tombrien@msn.com, ta thanks.

in other news auaurauruuauarurrrrrrrrhhh shit's bad yo. I lost like a week's animation work at college, came home to work on Robot Dinosaurs and the electric went out, my flash drive's fuckin crunched so I am behind as balls and I'm tired as a ttrrrrrrrrrrrrr-iangle. If anyone's waitin for YeahBabyGoYeah updates well shit, I won't be pickin that up for ages. Still av to finish my portfolio site n all. I am busy as a bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbalrog.

Street Fighter 4 is fucking hard to learn, stupid lieing internet. THREE PUNCH ICONS DOESN'T MEAN L1, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GUESS THAT. FUCK YOU ZANGIEF.

I SUMMON JPEGISAUGH, THE MERCIFUL DIETY OF SCREENSHOTS.

At 2/26/09 9:10 PM, elementell wrote:
On the 7th level, when you're fighting the shadow knight, you can't access the weapon menu.

It's really annoying, all I have is my beak attack of doom to fight, and it only takes 2 damage out of his 9879857394658364578365835 health, each fight takes about 56 hours.

Sorry for the inconvenience, but thanks if you fix it.

Oh don't worry, that was intentional. The extremely high health is meant to represent the persistance of society's ridicule and elitism against a duck of Duck's nature, the weak attack strength reflecting Duck's futility in his efforts to fight back and make it in this cruel world. The weapons menu is disabled, drawing a parrallel to the average duck's total lack of support and self-confidence in their struggle for social conformity. You'll notice that the armour menu is still partially available, showing that every duck has what it takes deep inside to stand up and defend themselves against the constant discriminative attacks from today's cultural zeitgeist.

Thanks for playing.