jknow like I was makin that stupid fucking game right, since like 1996 or whatever stupid fucking long-ass time? well guess what I STILL FUCKING AM. I STILL AM. I'M STILL HERE, STILL DOING THIS AND I WILL BE UNTIL THE END OF TIME.
I wanted to finish it last year, then I wanted to finish it for January, and guess what now it's February 2010 and this is absolutely killing me. It's at that magical fabulous point where it takes half an hour to open, then crashes every 3 minutes. It's 4am. This is what time I go to bed now.
I so want to drop it an just delete everything, but I've put SO MUCH into this that it'd be as if I'd wasted all that time and effort on nothing. Also I'd look like an absolute idiot. When I had my last job (NOVEMBER OF LAST YEAR.) they asked what I was gonna do and the only plan I had was to finish this game, then make a plan. It's now February. People are asking have I made any games recently, I just say no.
I HAVE A BEARD.
Every time I release a new game I feel more n more like some retard kid on the internet who's wastin his time doing weird shit. Like a guy who cuts anime clips to pop songs and put em on Youtube. Or a guy who makes a vlog apologising to imaginary people that his Legend of Zelda parody will be pushed back.
I used to think I was that guy, but at this point I'm fucking certain.
I should be gettin a job, or learning to drive, or fuckin y'know- doing anything else. GETTING A GIRLFRIEND, HOW BOUT I TRY THAT? But anything I do that's not making this game will prolong the amount of time that I'm in this state of unfinished.
I WAS THINKIN (like a fool) I WAS THINKIN Y'KNOW maybe tonight I'll put the cutscenes in, even though they aren't animated, an I'll fix that save|load shit, an I'll throw it out fo testin. Just cos I could do with a milestone. An hour somehow turned into a day, an now it's 4:10am, and Im going to bed.
Pretty sure my family think I'm a retard. Including me. What do I even do after this game's finished in fucking 2063 or whenever? All the possible 5-year-plans I could've had av bin destroyed over the passed year. I can't get a job in games cos there is nowhere lookin for anyone at my level this side o the country, I can't just make a load of more financially efficient (by which I mean smaller) Flash games cos then at what point do I grow up, I could go to uni but that's 2 o 3 years of classes with people who've never opened 3DSmax, do I throw it all away an get a normal job? I know people who are renting flats and getting engaged; I'm still doin this same weird nerd shit I was doin in high school. I'm on newgrounds for fuck sake- remember newgrounds? dot com? that, yknow, that games site. All my stuff's on there. My username? Oh well its I FUCKING SMELL. SPELT WRONG.
WHY AM I THE ONLY DUMBASS WHO WRITES POSTS LIKE THIS? Everyone else on Newgrounds just seems to say HEY GUYS, NEW GAME, HERE IT IS or post a youtube video or something. I guess I'm doin this wrong n all.
Right, I'm not makin this game anymore.
Fuck, I allready sold it. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I could release it now, but it wouldn't have any plot, so it'd be nowhere near it's potential. I'm not doin that.
In other news NOTHING. cos this is what's bin in my head for about the passed month, an in that time I've done fuck all else. Except for y'know, social stuff. I still go out. I don't mention any o this cos people'd think I was a fucking psycho.
course I can talk about it on the internet, cos I dont fuckin know any o youz, so it doesnt matter.
This is pathetic. I should kick the shit out of myself. Now it's 4:47.
I'm gonna check this tomorrow, an there's gonna be one of two things:
1-no replies. maybe one from a guy bein like- comedically dissmissive.
or 2-A load of people telling me I'm a fucking idiot and need to stop crying about dumb shit on the internet, which; yeah thanks, that's allready the first thing on my mnd.
or 3-someone actin like they only read this next comment that doesnt relate to anything, and commenting on that.
I watched avatar in 3d, I liked the the little helicopter lizard guy, I thought it was a bit sad that he had to spin about in circles whenever he wanted to fly somewhere, he must get well dizzy.