Read my last thing if you wanna catch up on this.
Uuurrrrrggghhhh I feel like wank. The boss was off for a week or so, so I've just got round to havin a chat about my pay and over-time n all that shite etcetra.
It went fucking terribly. I said I can't do overtime and work weekends while getting paid £50 a week, everyone at home's tellin me to leave, my parents are all the fuck over me, it's not registered as an internship, I'm workin more than an intern would n all that shite etcetera.
Basically he thought all I cared about was money, said I'd get the same anywhere else, I'd usually get £0 for an apprenticeship, he knows people who he can get to work for free, faster than me, I've got bugger-all qualifications, they're a brand new company and so on. Pretty much shot down everything I said.
Then I go home and my family's got the perfect answer to all that, and think I'm a total spineless retard for not leaving. I can't just leave because my mates and family (and the fuckin internet) are tellin me to though- That would make me an idiot. I'm stuck between a job that think I'm worthless and a social life that thinks I'm a loser.
So tomorrow I'm fucking leaving. Forget aprenticeship, convincing everyone I'm not some feeble victim of this job, havin meetings about bein late or why I won't work weekends, writin everything formally and sensibly, and plannin out exactly how Im gonna talk to someone before I talk to em. Forget excuses. FORGET MONEY. I shouldnt force myself into this rock-an-a-hard-place lifestyle while I'm 18. I should be workin in a retail job and BLOWIN A FAT WEDGE ON GETTIN MASHED N BEAR GASH.
So the plan is: For the next- however long- I'll keep makin indie games from home, and that'll keep me up. I'll level up at animation, and take every opportunity I can to contribute to a team. And I don't mean these dumbass Newgrounds collabs, I mean like Power of Three, or CAN ANYONE USE XNA?, that kinda stuff. Who knows; maybe I won't even work in the industry. Maybe I'll get a conventional job and make games on the side, maybe make a business out of it in a few years. But that's way down the line.
God. I FUCKING HATE MONEY. My boss thinks I'm obssessed with it, my family think I should ask for more of it, apparantly how much you've got is a label of how fucking amazing you are, and everyone wants it all the time. I'm sick of how much money I've got.
I get paid £50 a week on this job yeah? I made Robot Dinosaurs in 2 weeks and got £2600. I'd rather get £50. If it wasn't for this stupid statistic that makes everyone freak out I'd be fine. WHAT DO I EVEN SPEND IT ON? I spend it on clothes, games, films, food, beer, car, taxis and other. I lent £100 to a mate cos he lost his job before goin on holiday (25 of us in Bulgaria, he did invite me in the first place) and I won't tell anyone cos I know exactly what they'll say, and I'll sound like an idiot.
I'm gonna get flak for that paragraph on money, but what the fuck I'd rather be eatin beans from a cup in a student dorm than sat at ome with a full savins account.
btw, sorry jetpak-guy for ever invadin you with that money drama.
ALLRIGHT Im gonna stop now before I start gettin all emo up in this ho.
I'm gonna make a fresh quick game in the next couple week, so expect that. It's called Blastmaster Borris the Bear That Blasts Big Blue Beams and it's kind of like Robot Dinosaurs crossed with Spewer but it's a side-scrollering platformer with boss fights. I'll sell it, but only cos the money'll make everyone around me think I did the right thing by quitting.
And I feel pretty great after finishing a game. Especially a small one.
Y'know what, if I leave tomorrow I might aswell tell y'all what game I've bin workin on. It's allready publicly known.
Everyone at work is gonna think I'm such a dick for leavin grrgrrrruaaahhrhrrrrrr.
I-smel
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